(quick note- I started writing this about a week ago when I hadn't finished moving. Just thought I should mention for the sake of chronology!)
I open yet again by apologising for my infrequent posts. Life has been a bit tricky lately. I'm moving to an amazing house, and I'm super excited, but it is stressful. I am currently sitting on top of a pile of my own junk in a carebear onesie mourning the loss of a can of Jack Daniels, which has seemingly been eaten up by the endless black hole of clothes and knicknacks. So instead of wistfully drinking and crying and sorting my socks, I have decided that I'm gonna get down to business on my blog.
(yeah, here's a picture for context.)
Ha! Take it away procrastiKatie (excellent play on words there)!
I like this outfit because I have my cute belly out on display. I have struggled with self image issues for years so now getting my belly or booty out is an incredibly freeing experience. Back in the day (oh, high school), I had the same size waist as my now seven year old brother, and I wore almost exclusively baggy clothes, and I was incredibly anti-social and tired all the time. I would have secret dress-ups in my room, trying on all of the things that apparently my body didn't deserve to wear in public.
Now that I am a lot healthier, I dare myself to do all the things that I once put on the back burner for the time I would magically wake up inhabiting the body that I wanted. I was chasing my own shadow, trying to meet a constantly higher standard. And I never got to meet her. Because that version of myself will never really exist. And even if she did, I don't think I'd want to know her. I have too many wonderful people to fill up my days.
... Like Annika! This morning we ate our weight in McDonalds hotcakes, and when she caught me counting calories she quickly jumped on my case, and started competing with me to see who could eat the most calories. My friend Billy went back and bought a second McMuffin just to take over my calorie intake.
I would much rather fill up my life with wonderful people like Billy and Annika than with people like imaginary thin Katie. And that goes for all things. We are always setting ourselves ridiculous goals that in reality have nothing to do with bettering ourselves because they are based on a version of ourselves that doesn't exist. Imaginary you.
White shirt- thrifted
Gingham Pants- thrifted, orignally Annika's
Pink Boots- hand-me down... from um.. Annika
Choker- bought online
M&M and Pill Earrings- from a market
Dress- Bonne Chance Collections
Shoes- Yes Walker (shop doesn't exist anymore)
Socks- from a market
Content Warning-- SUPER CHEESY PART!
And yeah, you can gain weight, lose weight, dye your hair, exercise more, any of these things, if it is part of the narrative of loving yourself. And you have to start from love, because resenting the person that you 'were' is never productive. Give your poor awkward high-school self a little credit, and give your belly a comforting hug. Love what you have, and work from there.
I'll leave you with an Amanda Palmer song that I think covers all of this pretty excellently. Give it a listen and have a lovely day!